of course, it's been a long time.
once i steal my computer back for myself (other people like to "borrow" it for most of the day and night) and drag myself back onto this site, it's finally writing time again. after more than three months, i think, but still . . .
although a lot has been going on, it's not a whole lot i really want to babble about. a lot of thinking, sure . . . a lot of reflecting, some pain, and some willingness to be something bigger than myself--all part of the mix. i love the fact that life's about to change, and i also hate it. i despise the curiosity of immaturity because it carelessly makes me cry. i also love the cause with my whole being.
i always knew life would be different someday, but i didn't actually expect someday to get here. it's moving at a snail's pace, and i'm about to be thrown into the worst of it all. waiting and waiting until i'm torn up with sleeplessness and aching from idiotic contortion; why on earth do i curl up like i'm broken, anyway?
this week has brought me disappointment, freedom, love, heartache, anxiety, relaxation, frustration, exhaustion, and confusion. too many words, but all too true. i've never needed sleep so much while blowing it off at the same time because it's too difficult to sleep. i don't know where this month has gone, and i'm not sure if i want it to be over with or not. i'm guessing not, but i can't keep drowning in every day.
i'm still grateful. i'm still very, very grateful for what i have. i am hurt, but i am strong. and i don't know how it happened, but i'm guessing it's a present from God.
