My laptop isn't plugged in, so I'm hoping that will force me to go to bed at some point (assuming the battery will die in just a little while). Just needed a little thinking time before I let my mind drift off for the night.
It never occurred to me the extent of how dangerous a group of females can be. It's been so long since I've actually socialized, and it's fun, but frightening at the same time. They all have an opinion on each and every one of you, and there is literally no one left out. And no matter who you are, you're no different. Trying to escape gossip is futile, and you will be pulled in.
I realize that there's a fine line between fitting in and realizing where you sit on the dinner plate. They love you now, but what will happen if they ravage your carcass when you're left alone? Everyone's fair game. Really. And as hard as you try to stay out of it, you'll always be sucked in.
I like to talk just as much as the next person. I'm a chatterbox, in fact, but I only really realize it when talking to people who really don't have much to say. Otherwise, I find it very strange how I'm the quiet one left in the group, unable to reveal her personal life with everyone else as a bonding ritual. I kind of want to, but also feel like reserving my life and my happiness. I really don't want anyone to pick that apart. I suppose that's one thing I'm doing right. I hope.
And as I go away from this, I'm happy from a fun evening that I enjoyed with people I would hope to call my friends, if they'll have me. But I'm also nervous that as soon as I turn the corner, they'll be there picking me apart just as they did to the last ones who crossed their path.
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