Mmm, whatcha say . . . Mmm, that it's all for the best? Of course it is.

I can't believe that I turned down another opportunity for a job this morning.

Well, actually, I can.

I know that it might seem too picky, but...this was something, like the others, that I feel like I would be sucked into and have trouble digging my way out of. I would, honest to God, rather work as a cashier while I search for something I'm excited about than accept something that pays more, but that I hate.

The companies are very similar...well-known, respected, and offer the opportunity to pay a very decent amount of money. They make it difficult to turn down, and I did, in fact, accept an interview this time...only to get off of the phone to realize I couldn't believe I had said yes. This whole weekend, my stomach had butterflies because I knew that come Monday, I had to let them know that I couldn't go for this job. Not when so many other people who want to be salespeople are going for it.

I'm not a salesperson. I am creative, want to better my advertising/marketing skills, and will even branch out to the point of project managing, assisting in office work, and strategizing without the creative because I know I have experience in those things and I know they are related and will help me practice.

But when it comes to the point where I have branched out so far, I can't even remember what I started out to do, I just know there's a problem. I can't be one of those people who spends their life toiling over something that's just not right for them, even if it is for money. Working at the mall is one thing...it can be a stepping stone, it can be temporary. But going somewhere that's just not right, where they promise to help you grow with their company...it just sounds like a recipe for getting off track to me. Being successful in all things except where it matters--living your life the way you want to.

So, after that rant, I'm going to go fuel up on some lo mein and pray that I made the right decision. And pray that this won't hurt my future by turning off the connections I've made. And pray that something will come along...something that works, something that makes me feel proud, and not like a sell-out. And pray. And pray.