On, On They Send, On Without End

Last night, I had a tough time again in terms of being patient. I didn't really even know that I was stressed out, but I guess it was one of those slow, hidden build-ups...a day filled with job hunting frustration, followed by an evening racked with a few nerves and getting turned around in night time traffic. Looking back on it, you would think I would've known that I needed a time out, but all in all, the night ended fine--I think it was a combination of being tired and realizing that I have no idea where I'm going to be at any time in the next few weeks--that's what's putting the pressure on me.

You would think that a higher percentage of people would respond to you when you inquire about something as serious as employment. And even if they don't, you think maybe they would after three and a half weeks, after a follow-up, after you try so hard to let them see that you are more than capable of helping them out. It blows my mind. Even call backs are difficult, because nothing is a guarantee.

And so I end up waiting and waiting--aimlessly, of course--wondering what good I can be to anyone at this point. I feel that in general, I'm a pretty competent person...but this lack of response is enough to bring anyone down. I keep applying, and each time, I get further and further away from what I really set out to do in the first place. And I wonder how far away I'll end up before I'm finally able to make ends meet.

Something just has to work. The sad thing is...the real world isn't like all those years at school--just because you were always one of the top in your class, that doesn't mean everyone is going to know that right away. People who were lazy and skipped classes, who barely tried, who put partying before school...they're the ones making money now, while many who worked their fingers numb are struggling to get an employer to just notice.

Oy. I need to shake my head out now and take a break from this. Three weeks 'til Christmas; I'll try to focus on that. Until later, everyone...here's to hoping you have a great day.